My date with the Brendans scarabs

Had just seen that movie the mummy and it was good and scary with bredan fraser, yeah sure. But little boy me had a nightmare about the supporting stars in that movie, the scarab beetles. The beetles could swarm and engulf all your body and also get up under your skin and crawl around your arms and brain so I woke up and I was completely spooked! Look it up they are scary.

Anyway. I woke up in my bedroom with my los angeles dodgers comforter on top a me. My room was dark at night and I assumed the whole house was all dark. I was accurate in my prognosis. I tip toed to go get my mom from my parents bedroom to stay in my bed with me. A good ole fashion “you up?” I was innocent. Just wanted to not be scared to fall back asleep. Wanted my mom. But here is the first twist of the story, she wasn’t in her bed with my dad. Odd but not that odd. I coulda woke my dad up to keep me company from the Frasier scarabs but 1 he is a naked sleeper and 2 when I would wake him up in the night, his getting waked up face is really scary because he himself is startled. His eyes get big

So I am tipping and toein still but im doing it down the hallway now, the hallway is also dark. Except a lil shadows cast by the lone streetlight outside.  The shadows on the gray carpet floor of the hallway are starting to look like Hungry Hungry ScarabsTM. I journey through the darkness, past the bathroom, past the computer room, heading to my sisters room. My thought process is that maybe mom is in there and just fell asleep reading Amelia Bedelia to my sister, who was a mom-hog. I popped my head in there. I saw my sister sleeping there prob with her thumb in her slobbery face, but again, it was very dark so I couldn’t tell if mom was sleepin in the bed with her or if it was just bunched up blankets next to my sister. I did not see my mom’s head and her glowing hair that is so pretty. So I figured it was just bunched up blankets.

So. I. am. Starting. To get. Nervous.  Where is mom? Am I too late? Where are you? Mom?

 Let me say that I am no longer tip toeing okay my feet are full on the floor and bounding down the hallway. Thumpin and scared lil boy feet.

I run back to my parents room to see if I just missed her the first time in there. No I did not. Shes gone. And at this point my parents bedroom carpet which looks a darker maroon than the hallway gray, is starting to move and morph in to thousands of mummy scarab beetles. But they prob ate my mother so they are actually mommy beetles. Lunch money? More like lunch mommy!1 thanks Frasier.

I cant go anywhere for safety. Just run up and down our hallway, clunking into the walls. At one point scraping my hand on the laundry chute that at once was a cool thing to throw action figures down. Now it just another orifice in my house where armored scarabs can come out. I believe the scarabs were going to get me. They were everywhere. I started screaming. Not even looking for mom anymore. I am simply slipping back in to a nightmare; down the toilet bowl that is madness (i did not actually go in to the hallway bathroom).

This carried on for what seemed like three minutes but was prob more like two minute. Shrieking not for help but shrieking in realization of my own mortality and imminent being munched on by beetle bugs. Screaming. screams. loud. Until on one of my laps of terror down the hallway, I turned around and smack dab in to my dad’s hairy belly. he had heard my cries. My only personal Brendan f. I kept crying. But he calmed me. He had underwear on. Maybe he took the time to put them on before he rescued his screaming son. Or maybe for some reason, that night, for some maybe not so random reason, he just fell asleep with his underwear still on. And saved his sons life. With underwear on.

When the dust and blood had settled, mom was alive the whole time. flesh and all. Turned out to be in the bunched up blankets on my sisters gratuitously comfortable and luxurious flower bed fluffy blankets. The last thing I remember is seeing her walk out wondering what exactly was going on in this hallway of hers. I think someone probab turned the lights on to assure that no beetles had invaded.  whatever did happen next, I’m sure my parents were happy to help and I was no bother to them. I am their baby. it is their job.

That was a scary time in my life. i do not think that I peed either my bed that night

happy holidays,

Jack Klipsch


sent from my Microsoft word document

  Jack Klipsch is funny boy. He likes to listen to “Hot Fuss” by the band The Killers.   When he is not cracking jokes in real life, he can be found on the internet in the upcoming World Wide Web series,  “All the Bosses”  and on the popular podcast,  “CELEBDAY."      Also he is on  Twitter . 

Jack Klipsch is funny boy. He likes to listen to “Hot Fuss” by the band The Killers. When he is not cracking jokes in real life, he can be found on the internet in the upcoming World Wide Web series, “All the Bosses” and on the popular podcast, “CELEBDAY." 

Also he is on Twitter